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Tuesday, June 27, 2017

100 REASONS WHY IT'S BETTER TO BE A WOMAN




1. We can get laid anytime we want
2. We don't have to buy our own drinks at the bar
3. We get out of speeding tickets by crying
4. We get out of speeding tickets by showing a little cleavage or leg
5. No one makes fun of us if we cry during sappy movies
6. Sports knowledge is a bonus, not a requirement
7. We can enjoy shopping without having our sexual preferences questioned
8. We inspire works of art
9. We aren't automatically expected to pay when we go on dates
10. We can share clothes and sex tips with each other
11. Moms love us
12. Men hold the door open for us
13. We pout better (those puppy dog eyes always work!)
14. We're cuter
15. We don’t have any body parts that we can’t control
16. We don’t have to worry about how long we last in bed
17. We end up sleeping in the bed when we fight with our other halves - and you guys get the couch
18. We have more connective pathways between the two halves of our brains so we’re better at multitasking
19. We don't have to worry about losing our hair
20. We're allowed to admit that we like cuddling
21. We don't have to mow the lawn
22. We don't have to take out the garbage
23. We don't have to paint the house or walls
24. We’re more empathetic
25. Cosmopolitan magazine
26. Lingerie!
27. Men unlock our side of the car first
28. We’re allowed to have a slightly unhealthy relationship with chocolate once a month
29. Pedicures
30. Our friends don’t make fun of us if our drinks are pink and come with umbrellas
31. 2 words - multi orgasmic
32. We don't have to constantly adjust our genitals
33. Sweat is sexy on us
34. We have better handwriting
35. You guys may get to think about sex 200 times a day, but we could be having it that often
36. We look better in your clothes than you do
37. We can get really turned on and not be in pain afterwards
38. We sound cute when we sneeze
39. People actually notice when we get haircuts
40. Women are cleaner
41. Women have more than one erogenous zone
42. We make friends easily
43. We don't always think with our genitals
44. The clitoris has more nerve endings than an entire penis
45. People write more songs about us
46. We're better at tracking details
47. There's never a shortage of ready, willing and able men
48. We're flexible…
49. When women get pissed we don't destroy property or hurt people
50. Menopause - thank god we're not capable of having children after we're 50
51. Chick flicks
52. Men in uniform
53. There is no penis envy
54. We can just roll over and go to sleep after we masturbate because there's no messy cleanup
55. It generally takes us less to get drunk
56. We have a higher tolerance to pain
57. We get to cut in line
58. Most women actually look good in short shorts - men don’t
59. Better tips
60. Women who don't wear underwear are considered sexy and wild, when men do it, it's just gross
61. We have mastered civilized eating - we don't embarrass our friends or make loud bodily noises in public
62. Women can go a day without showering or shaving and not look or smell disgusting - thank god for long pants and perfume!
63. Heels make us even sexier
64. We don't have excessive amounts of body hair
65. We don’t get awkward around babies
66. We have cuter laughs
67. We get to name the kids
68. We don’t have to pop the question
69. We choose the movie
70. Men walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the road so that if a car hits us, he gets hurt not us
71. Women sweat less
72. Women smell better
73. When women make their boyfriends mad, we don't have to waste money on flowers or cards - sexual favors fix everything
74. We use our intuitions better
75. We’re better at reading and responding to body language
76. We’re more creative and adapt easier
77. We don't get embarrassed when buying tampons
78. We bind easily over a wider array of topics - not just beer, sports, and cars
79. The lip bite - 99% seduction success rate
80. We're better shoppers
81. We don't have to make fools out of ourselves to impress a man
82. Our friends don't pick on us if we aren't sleeping with anyone
83. Men don't know what our 'girl talk' is all about (and I'm not going to tell you)
84. Finding the right pair of jeans transforms a great ass into a legendary one
85. We don't have to drive when on a date
86. An ugly woman can use makeup and get a new hairdo to become presentable - ugly men are just screwed
87. Women can also use makeup to cover up hickeys… guys just have to wear turtlenecks
88. We’re allowed to kiss members of the same sex - not only does it turn you on, it doesn’t count as cheating
89. We still look cute if we gain a few pounds - and we hide it better
90. We know that rhythm doesn't only pertain to dancing
91. When women are short, we're petite, when men are short, they're just short
92. Women do less time for violent crime
93. Women don't have to worry about not being able to get it up
94. We can do pretty much anything
95. Women's conversations generally consist of more than just "uh huh, yep, ok then bye"
96. We can drive any car we want, no matter how girly
97. Women don't have to see combat
98. The remote control is not an extension of ourselves
99. Women are sexier
and the 100th reason it's better to be a woman - this one is definitely worthy of reiteration:
100. We can get laid ANYTIME, ANYWHERE, ANY WAY we want it!   
(forums.motortrend.com)


(Ed. note) During an early trip to Maui, we met a couple from Ireland, Derek & Patricia, who were there on their honeymoon.  She worked for Aer Lingus, which was the only way they could afford the trip.  They were married on the same day we were, just 15 or so years later.  We enjoyed their company so much we invited them to go island hopping with us.  

On one island, Derek told the room clerk they were on their honeymoon & was asked why they were sharing a suite with us.  He answered, “Damned if I know!!”  Our travels were about to come to an end & they wanted to take over our rental car, so they went with us to the airport.  Bud had bought leis for both me & Patricia.  We were in the front seat & they were in the back.  Derek had told his young wife (he knew better) that the term for receiving a lei was “getting laid” (lei-ed?)  It was all I could do to keep from laughing at the young innocent when she said, “I just love getting laid!!  Don’t you love getting laid, Fran?”  I just kept facing forward & nodding!!


To see some really badass females, click here.

For some things a man should never say to his wife, click here.


Even angry women can be easily dealt with:




















----fishducky (who knows how to spell argument!!)



 


Monday, June 26, 2017

100 REASONS WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A MAN


(I got the idea for this from the Plastic Mancunian's post on 5/21/17, but this list is from pigazette.com.)




1) Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2) Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3) You know stuff about tanks.
4) A 5-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5) Monday Night Football.
6) You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7) Your bathroom lines are 80 percent shorter.
8) You can open all your own jars.
9) Old friends don't give a shit whether you've lost or gained weight.
10) Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
11) When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stop at every shot of somebody crying.
12) Your ass is never a factor in job interviews.
13) All your orgasms are real.
14) A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15) Guys in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into
      the boards).
16) You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17) You understand why the movie Stripes is funny.
18) You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19) Your last name stays put.
20) You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21) When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22) You can kill your own food.
23) The garage is all yours.
24) You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25) You see the humor in the movie Terms of Endearment.
26) Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27) You never have to clean a toilet.
28) You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes.
29) Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30) Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31) If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32) Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
33) The National College Cheer leading Championship.
34) You don't have to shave below your neck.
35) None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36) You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night.
37) If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38) You can write your name in the snow.
39) You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40) Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41) Chocolate is just another snack.
42) You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
43) You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
44) Flowers fix everything.
45) You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46) You get to think about sex 90 percent of your waking hours.
47) You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48) Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49) You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50) You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
51) Foreplay is optional. 
52) Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. 
53) Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room. 
54) You can whip your shirt off on a hot day. 
55) You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by. 
56) You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. 
57) Car mechanics tell you the truth. 
58) You don't give a rat's ass if anyone notices your new haircut. 
59) You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me." 
60) The world is your urinal. 
61) You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you. 
62) You get to jump up and slap stuff. 
63) Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. 
64) One mood, all the time 
65) You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him. 
66) You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy. 
67) You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle. 
68) You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing. 
69) Same work...more pay! 
70) Gray hair and wrinkles only add character. 
71) You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch
       adjustment. 
72) Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75. 
73) You don't care if someone's talking about you behind your back. 
74) With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory. 
75) You don't mooch off others' desserts. 
76) If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 
77) The remote control is yours and yours alone. 
78) People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. 
79) ESPN's Sports Center. 
80) You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 
81) Bachelor parties whoop ass over bridal showers. 
82) You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother. 
83) You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked. 
84) You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" when you go to the bathroom. 
85) If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
86) Someday you'll be a dirty old man. 
87) You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase, "Fuck it." 
88) If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies. 
89) Princess Di's death was just another obituary. 
90) The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. 
91) You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood. 
92) You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. 
93) If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94) New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet. 
95) Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind. 
96) You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries. 
97) Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them. 
98) Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?" 
99) Baywatch 
100) There's always a game on somewhere.


Men can always make the most out of a bad situation:

During a recent power outage my PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, IPAD, and a new surround sound system were all shut down. Also my cell phone battery was dead. To make matters worse it was raining so I couldn't play golf.

So I go to the kitchen to make coffee, OOPS, the coffee maker requires power, so I sit down and talked to my wife for a couple of hours.

You know, she seems like a nice person.




If you need help in understanding what a woman really means,
then maybe this is for you.

To hear "The Man Song" click here.

Without exerting themselves, men can be very thoughtful husbands:





















Tomorrow: Why it's better to be a woman!!